The Shrieking Shack
by emiliaf24
Summary: What if things went down a little differently that fateful night in the Shrieking Shack? A "Happily Ever After" is probably too much to ask for poor Harry and Sirius.


The Shrieking Shack

Author: Emiliaf24

Rated: T – cuz all I do is curse.

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter ever. Duh. Don't be dumb

 **Summary: What if things went down a little differently that fateful night in the Shrieking Shack? A "Happily Ever After" is probably too much to ask for poor Harry and Sirius.**

~oOo~

"… _Before Snape could take even one step toward him, Harry had raised his wand. 'Expelliarmus!' he yelled – except that his wasn't the only voice that shouted. There was a blast that made the door rattle on its hinges; Snape was lifted off his feet and slammed into the wall, then slid down it to the floor, a trickle of blood oozing from under his hair. He had been knocked out._

 _Harry looked around. Both Ron and Hermione had tried to disarm Snape at exactly the same moment. Snape's wand soared in a high arc and landed on the bed next to Crookshanks".~Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. (Page 302)_

"You shouldn't have done that," said Black in that low, too intense to be sane voice he used whenever he wasn't ranting about Scabbers. "You should have left him to me…"

Harry snorted. "Uh, no. I think a quadriplegic bunny rabbit could take you right about now, but…" he cast the same spell Snape used on Lupin. Cords burst from his wand and wound 'round and 'round around Black's thin figure – to the point he where he looked like a cocooned caterpillar. "Better safe than killed by a mass murderer."

He moved towards Snape and rummaged around the unconscious Professor's voluminous robes. Harry breathed an audible sigh of relief as his hand wrapped around the cool metal of a goblet. It was full to the brim, and didn't spill over even as he pulled it out – obviously spelled to keep the contents from sloshing about. Harry thanked the stars above that Snape hadn't forgotten the potion while he was having his little vengeance orgasm up in the castle.

After casting the binding spell on Snape for good measure, Harry went up to Lupin and pulled the rope serving as a gag away from his mouth. "Here you are. Hope it's not poison. Cheers!" he said, and unceremoniously dumped the stinky drink down Lupin's gullet. To Lupin's credit he didn't hesitate gulping it down, which seemed to indicate that he recognized the potion. Oh Goody, because that only made one of them.

With Lupin's werewolf medicine sufficiently ingested, Harry backed up a bit towards his friends, wand up and ready in case the two doggy-morphs tried to pull something funny. "Ok. Now that fifty percent of the danger has been nullified, let's wrap this shit up shall we? Lupin, you were saying you were a werewolf and dad, Black and Pettigrew learned how to become Animagi so you could all frolic in the Forbidden Forest together. Great. Why is that relevant? Other than the obviously creepy fact that Ron and Percy have been sleeping, eating and doing other private things in front of a middle aged man for the past 12 years."

Ron's hands convulsed around Scabbers at that. "Harry! You're not starting to believe this tripe are you!?" he said hysterically. "They're mental mate! Scabbers is just a rat. He's not a – he's just a normal stupid _rat_!"

The urge to roll his eyes was strong, but Harry resisted. It's not like they lived in a world where one could change in to anyone they wanted, disappear and reappear, make shit invisible, force people to do shit they didn't want to do with no signs that they were being controlled…really, the Wizarding World was set up perfectly for framing people for crimes. On the other hand, when you had the choice to believe that your rat was just your plain old beloved pet that happened to live a little longer than usual, or that your rat was a grown ass man and had always been a grown ass man well…he could see why Ron refused to see any logic in Black and Lupin's claims.

"Oh, I don't doubt that they're mental, but as you can see, we kind of have the tactical advantage here," Harry said, gesturing to himself and Hermione, who was quietly lamenting their scholastic fate after assaulting a teacher. Considering she had set Snape on fire two years ago and straight up robbed that fool last year, and still managed to retain her status as a Hogwarts student, Harry didn't see what she had to worry about. In fact, it seemed you could do damn near anything to Snape and get away with it scott-free, but Hermione and her weird priorities and all that jazz…

"I think we can afford to hear them out. So, start talking gents. And let's skiv over the kumbaya back story please – we can go over all that if we're not dead or arrested by the end of this, yes? Lupin? Black? One of you start. Beginning, middle, end – let's go."

Black and Lupin exchanged weary glances. They were probably a bit thrown off by Harry's sudden assertiveness, when he'd been a hollering mess just a second ago. Well, that was before Snape burst in like a psychopath and oh? Looky, there's the murderer that us teachers have been freaking out about for the entire term. Maybe I should be a responsible adult and knock him and his accomplice the fuck out and check the underage students for injuries! And even better, let me give the werewolf the un-dangerous-ifying werewolf juice immediately, since apparently I've been bitching about how dangerous he is and how everyone should be super cautious of him since this fool was hired. That would be a really, _really_ good idea! And safe! And it would make sense!

Or. OR! I could not do any of that, and fucking _monologue_ about vengeance like a fucking 80's Bond villain instead! Yeah, you know, actually…I think I'm going to go with that. Yup, that is definitely the course of action you should go with, Professor Snape.

And then Lupin and Black are just bloody talking to each other in the _vaguest_ bloody way possible and trying to convince Harry, Ron and Hermione of something about…he didn't even know! In the midst of all the drama and angst Harry knew there was a kernel of pertinent information in there somewhere – if only they would get to the mother fucking point already!

It was like the end of first and second year all over again and Jesus Christ Harry was so figgin' fed up with this nonsense. So yes, blunt, give zero fucks!Harry has decided to come out to play. This is not a drill, this is happening now, no refunds assholes.

"After – after that night," Black said, swallowing. "After your parents were killed, I knew exactly what had happened, so I tracked Peter down. When I confronted him on that street, he was the one who caused the explosion that killed all those muggles. But before he did, he shouted how I was the one to betray Lily and James, and cut off his finger – "

"And transformed," Lupin finished slowly, eyes zeroing in on Scabbers' missing toe. "He probably hid in an alley or the sewer, without anyone the wiser…"

Harry sighed wearily, and felt the weight of this complex conspiracy pressing heavily on his shoulders as the dots connected. " _Annnnnd_ I think I know where this is going. Care to spell it out for the rest of the class Black?"

"You don't mean?" Hermione gasped, not too far behind on the uptake either.

"What? What is it!?" Ron said, looking between his friends as Scabbers went ape shit in the boy's determined grasp.

"I was your parents Secret Keeper, Harry," said Black, "but at the last moment I convinced Lily and James to change to Peter…"

"Yes, because he was dumber," Harry said resignedly, gesturing with his hand for Black to ' _get on with it_ '.

"The night they died, I went to check on Peter at his hiding place. There was no sign of him, and no sign of a struggle. It didn't feel right. I was scared. I set out for your parents' house straight away. And when I saw their house, destroyed, and their bodies… I realized what Peter must've done… what I'd done…." Black's voice broke. He closed his eyes and turned away.

There was a tense silence after that dramatic reveal.

"Right," Harry said, voice and face void of emotion. "That's your side of the story all finished then? Any more big reveals? Is Voldemort the Queen of England? Did Snape actually shoot John F. Kennedy?"

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed admonishingly.

" _Sorry_! Sorry," he said sheepishly. "This is how I cope, ok? Anyway, I guess there's nothing to it than to hear Scabbergrew's side of the story now – _Stupefy_!" A red beam of light shot out of Harry's wand and hit the flailing rat on the head.

Ron startled badly and dropped the rat, where it landed heavily on the old floorboard with a _thunk_ noise and a slight puff of dust. " _Oi_!"

"Oops, sorry Ron." Harry picked up Scabbers and placed the limp animal more gently in the center of the room, so that he was somewhat surrounded by Lupin and Black and Harry and Hermione.

"That was a very advanced defensive spell," said Lupin, voice equal parts impressed and disapproving. "I don't believe Hogwarts covers the Stupefying Charm until sixth year."

Harry rubbed the back of his head guiltily. "Errrr, yeah. Remember when I said I was going to use that Advanced Enchantments book you gave me to only look up more information on the Patronus Charm and _not_ use any other spells to go hunting for Sirius Black? I totally learned all the spells in order to go hunting for Sirius Black."

"Harry James Potter!" Hermione said in the ' _I'm about to lecture you straight to hell_ ' voice. Both Harry and Ron winced. T'was the bane of their existence, that voice was. "You promised me you wouldn't go after Black, no matter what you found out about him!"

"I was only going to kill him a little bit," Harry whined petulantly.

Black gave a slow blink of incomprehension. "I'm not sure how to feel about this."

"You should feel terrified," Harry deadpanned. He gestured lazily at his skinny, five foot nothing, thirteen year old form. "Tremble before my might."

" _Harry_!"

"Alright alright everyone! Let's stay focused," he said, clapping his hands together and ignoring the fact that _he'd_ been the one to go off topic. "Do you know a spell that forces an Animagus back into a person, Hermione?"

"Well," she hedged, "I've seen the incantation before and the casting process seemed basic enough. I never had an opportunity to practice it, of course. So I wouldn't know if I were doing it properly."

"The process is simple yes, but the amount of magic it takes to cast it makes it very unsafe for students to use," Lupin added hurriedly. "Let alone third years."

"And isn't it just a cute little coincidence that jackass, crazy and unconscious over here are the only ones that fit the criteria to cast the spell," Harry sneered. "Just peachy."

"Please, Harry. If you don't believe me about anything else –"

"Yeah yeah yeah, we get it wolfenstein," Harry said, waving a negligent hand at the Defense Professor. His eyes were on his best friends, trying to see where they stood on this latest problem. Ron worried his bottom lip between his teeth, and even though he looked as if giving Lupin a wand again was the last thing he ever wanted to do in life, he nodded just slightly. The horror stories they'd heard from the older years about young clever students who tried casting super advanced spells and were turned into Squibs as a result were probably going through his mind at the moment.

It took a few more seconds before Hermione was nodding as well. Now that they'd all done the democratic thing, Harry scooped up Lupin's fallen wand and moved cautiously to his side. He undid the bonds with a quick _Finite_ _Incantatem_ spell (allowing a brief bit of pride for himself at being able to counter a spell cast by Snape, which had probably been fuelled solely from his impotent rage and sarcasm) and handed Lupin his wand, his own leveled steadily at the teacher's neck.

Nevertheless, Lupin smiled wanly at him. "Thank you, Harry."

"Don't get too cozy yet. You try anything ridiculous and I'll try one of those non-verbal spells I learned in that book you gave me. And let me tell you I am _terrible_ at them – I might accidentally make your eyes crust over or turn you in to a giant penis." He shrugged to himself, then said flippantly, "Just letting you know. Carry on."

Instead of being properly intimidated, Lupin turned to glare at Black. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were being a bad influence on the boy."

"I haven't been anywhere near him all year! At least as a human anyway. Not like I could interact with him much as a dog that happens to be a symbol for someone's impending death," Sirius said defensively. He probably would have raised his hands up too, if he weren't up to his tits in ropes. "More importantly, who the _hell_ have you turned in to a giant penis!?"

"…Don't worry about my life," Harry said, scowling, then gestured furiously at Lupin. "Get to magicing, Professor!"

Lupin said the spell. A flash of blue-white light erupted from his wand and struck the unconscious rat on the floor. For a few seconds nothing happened, and Harry made to knock Lupin out and maybe find something liquid that would help him forget this long night of stupid ever happened. Thankfully for Lupin's sake, there was another blinding flash of light that emitted from the rat. Then the little creature started to grow and change; tiny thin legs stretched and lost their fur, paws turned into hands, the rat head became a man head…it was not a pleasant sight to behold.

Finally, where a balding, fat unconscious Scabbers laid before; a balding, fat unconscious man laid now.

"Oh, you are just a terrible human being on so many levels," Harry said disapprovingly at the newly revealed to be not dead Peter Pettigrew.

Ron fainted. As was to be expected. Having your leg broken and your pet rat turn in to a strange man had strenuous effects on a person's constitution. Hermione shrieked, and rushed over to him to make sure he was alright. Lupin, if it were possible, looked even graver than usual. Black was having a mini conniption fit, growling low in his throat like his Animagus form. It probably would have looked more intimidating if he didn't resemble a flailing burrito at the moment.

And Harry…Harry sighed…breaking his record for sighing in a single night. Then again, he'd never been subjected to so much drama in a single sitting either. Now the only thing that would make this whole shit storm complete would be if he had to fight a dinosaur, or if a hoard of dementors suddenly swooped down upon them. He felt a headache coming on at the thought alone. And was that a sense of foreboding he detected in the air?

 _Naaaaaaahhh_! This definitely seemed like a straight forward case that would wrap up smoothly with no problems or catastrophic events. At all.

 _POOF!_

An almost cartoonish puff of smoke suddenly shrouded Remus Lupin. The white wispy clouds slowly dissipated, and just like that, Professor Lupin was a large, grayish-brown colored wolf.

Harry, Black and Hermione stared, frozen.

"Arf," Lupin said, as if it were an apology.

The three let out an audible sigh of relief. "Thank you Deus-ex-wolfsbane," Harry breathed out.

Tap. _Tap. Tap._ _ **TAP**_ _!_

The three wizards plus one werewolf looked around for the noise, before their eyes were drawn inevitably to one of the Shrieking Shack's high, dusty windows. Except the windows weren't quite dusty anymore, but frosted over with a thin film of ice, that was spreading rapidly from there to the walls. Outside, a dementor floated into view. It waved at them. Like an asshole.

"Are you fucking seriously right now!?" Harry cried to no one in particular.

"They-they shouldn't be able to get in," Hermione said, though her widened eyes never left the dementor. "Professor Lupin said this place was warded – "

There was the sound of glass cracking. A spider web of slits and cracks spread throughout the window as several other dementors joined the first one and started to pound their grey, decayed, claw like hands against it.

"Yeah, no. Let's get the fuck out of here before the T-Rex comes."

 **~oOo~**

A/N: Could be taken as a stand-alone, but I'll leave it Incomplete in case inspiration hits some day.

Hope you enjoyed! Please tip your starving authors with a review at the door. ^_^


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